


How To Get Rid Of The Past

by SunshineA



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Afghanistan memories, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, tattoed!Tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-07
Updated: 2013-10-07
Packaged: 2017-12-28 17:03:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/994379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunshineA/pseuds/SunshineA
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For prompt: <i>After Afghanistan, to erase the marks of his torture, Tony decided to get a tattoo: angel wings on his back. Loki loves them, but doesn't know the origin.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	How To Get Rid Of The Past

**Author's Note:**

> This is a oneshot for the amazing [the-iron-huntress](http://the-iron-huntress.tumblr.com/) . I'm sorry it took so long, love, I hope you'll like it <3
> 
> Kudos and reviews are welcome :3

The first rays of sunshine fell straight onto Loki’s face, leaving him unable to sleep any longer. A quiet moan left his parted lips as he frowned and turned his back towards the window, trying to go back to sleep again. It didn’t work no matter how hard he focused on the breathing of the man lying next to him. It usually always helped him to fall asleep, but for some reason it didn’t work now.

Loki let out an exasperated sigh and rubbed at his eyes, rolling onto his back. A few more blinks to get rid of the blurry vision and he was looking at the perfectly white ceiling of their bedroom. Still, he couldn’t look at it for too long, it was too painful in the bright light of the sunrise. He closed his eyes for a moment and turned his head towards his lover, reaching out to brush through his brown hair gently.

Loki’s eyes almost immediately were locked on the tattoo on his back. The angel wings occupied almost the entire surface of Tony’s back, the broad black lines mixed with shadowing and barely visible details of feathers. It was beautiful and always took his breath away, it looked so real. The man who had created the tattoo had to be the best in the profession. Tony wouldn’t have had it any other way.

The god’s fingers left the brown locks and trailed down to the first black lines right on Tony’s shoulder blades, fingertips barely touching the skin. He never really had the chance to have such a good look at it. Tony avoided the subject every time Loki as much as mentioned the tattoo, excusing himself with work or the need to sleep. There were times he left the room in the middle of their conversation without saying a single word, no matter if they were alone or someone was with them.

Loki couldn’t say that it didn’t hurt. He knew both of them had their secrets, his being the most horrifying very probably, but he was sure that no matter how afraid he would be of Tony’s reaction, he would answer any question Tony might ask. Even if it meant losing Tony forever, he didn’t want to lie to him. His life was built on lies from the very beginning, and even though they weren’t his lies, he was the victim when it all collapsed in on itself.

He was tired and simply done with lies, even though he was called the God of them every once in a while by someone.

His fingertip kept trailing over the black, slowly fading lines as though he was trying to memorize the texture and every detail. Apart from the color, there was no difference in texture between the tattoo and Tony’s skin, the tone of it making the lines all the more visible.

Loki had no idea how long it had taken him to run his fingers over every detail, but Tony didn’t stir during the whole process. Not even once. The god knew it wasn’t natural – Tony wasn’t one for peaceful and motionless sleep. Not to mention the fact his breathing was different; faster. Still, he didn’t seem to care nor want to stop his lover, so Loki kept trailing his fingertips over the colored skin, stopping just above his ass, where he could see single feathers disappearing under the covers.

He kissed his way back up, leaving soft pecks along Tony’s spine until he reached the nape of his neck. He could feel Tony shiver at each kiss, but he still refused to turn around and show Loki he wasn’t asleep anymore. The god’s arm wrapped around Tony’s waist, hand resting just under the arc reactor, and he pressed the engineer’s back against his own chest, leaving another soft kiss just behind his ear.

“I know you’re not sleeping, Anthony,” he whispered, and his fingers splayed wide on Tony’s chest, trying to pull him even closer.

At first, Tony refused to lean into the embrace, his whole body tensed and heart beat quickened after the god’s words. Eventually he gave up, though, and arched himself so his body fit Loki’s perfectly, every curve fitting into one of the other’s.

“Are you scared?” Loki asked with a small frown, kissing the spot again. “Why?”

He could feel Tony’s heart beating even faster, and it made him just more worried. Why was he reacting this way? Why was he afraid of him?

He pulled Tony even closer – if this was still possible – and his free arm pushed in between the engineer’s body and the mattress. The embrace turned protective as Loki tightened it a little, his hand resting on the arc reactor to hide it from everything, even Tony himself.

“I’m not— scared,” Tony murmured, one of his hands resting on Loki’s. “Maybe a little. I know what you’re going to ask next and it— makes me anxious.”

“You don’t have to give me an answer if you don’t want to, love.”

“No, I—“, he let out a tired sigh and rubbed at his forehead with free hand. “I‘ve avoided it too long. You should know; it’s my past, right? It made me who I am now,” he finished, his voice turning into a barely audible whisper at the end.

Loki stayed quiet for a moment, making sure Tony could still feel him close as he thought about his lover’s words. This was important to him. And hard. It really had to have an impact on him if he didn’t want to talk about this and had this tatt—

“Oh,” Loki said quietly and moved a little to look at the side of Tony’s face. His eyes were still closed. “Afghanistan.”

The engineer just nodded and let out another sigh, this one more shaky and scared than the last one. His fingers tangled in between Loki’s, squeezing his palm a little too hard, but he didn’t even wince at the small jolt of pain. In response the god hugged him even tighter, kissing his pulse and nuzzling his neck. It soothed Tony a little, because Loki could hear his heart going back to its natural rhythm.

“I’ve never told you what they did to me, did I?” Tony asked quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’ve never told you why exactly I ended up in captivity, either.”

Loki shook his head shortly, his eyed opened wide as he listened and watched the engineer’s face. He could tell his teeth were now clenched, the muscles making the skin look like it was too tight on his jaw.

“They attacked our convoy when I was going back to the airport. That’s when I got this, too,” he tapped the arc reactor with his middle finger, gently pushing through Loki’s fingers on it. “They held someone else there way longer before I got there. He saved my life by placing an electro magnet to keep the shrapnel away in the first place. I’ll explain this later,” he chuckled bitterly and swallowed hard.

“What was his name?” Loki asked quietly.

“Yinsen. Ho Yinsen,” Tony replied, taking in a deep breath through his nose. “They killed his whole family but kept him. He knew many languages; he was useful to them.” His voice grew a little louder and Loki could tell he was beginning to relax slowly the more he went into the story. “The first week was the worst. They tortured me few times a day, tried to drown me and all that other— stuff. I was beginning to think I was going to die there. And then Yinsen motivated me to fight and leave more to my legacy then just weapons of mass destruction. He was the one who pointed me in the right direction without even realizing he did so.”

Loki listened to Tony’s every word, knowing this was the first and only occasion for him to hear the story. He saw how much it took for Tony to speak about it – he didn’t want him to go through that again in the future. At the mention of torture, his body tensed, rage filling him in a matter of seconds. For one short moment, he wanted nothing more than to kill the people who did this to his lover. To make them suffer just as much – if not more. But then he heard Tony speak up again, and he focused on him, the thoughts fading away as quickly as they came.

“They had my weapons, you know, and I had designed every single one of them. I knew what was inside the missiles, what I could use to get out. They wanted me to build one of the newest ones and when they asked what I needed, I gave them the list but almost none of what was on it was meant to be the weapon. Well, not for them at least.

“It took me some time, a lot of talking on both sides and lots of threats in my and Yinsen’s direction,” Tony let out another sigh, rubbing at his eyes and wincing a little, the memory taking him to the obviously most painful part. “I had the arc reactor in my chest by that time; it could power an iron suit with all the needs to break through and get out. I—“, he pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, curling up a little. “When they came and threatened me and Yinsen with death, I knew we had to get out fast. The next day everything was almost ready, we just had to get the suit to work and listen to my commands so it would be easier to move in it. I don’t know what went wrong…”

The moment Loki heard him take in a sharp breath was the moment he turned him around gently and pulled closely to himself. His hands were splayed on Tony’s back – one resting on the small of it, the other on the nape of his neck – and pressed him flush against the god’s chest. Loki kissed the top of his head, resting his cheek on it a moment after, and he started whispering soothing words as he felt Tony shaking and struggling for breath.

“It’s fine, love. You’re safe,” he murmured, stroking Tony’s back gently to calm him down. “You’re safe, in New York. Nothing will happen to you, I promise you.”

Tony’s arms wrapped around the god’s middle, pulling him as close as was possible. Loki said nothing; if that was what Tony needed right now he wouldn’t take it away. He kept whispering soothing words into Tony’s ear, hand brushing up and down his spine. Eventually, the engineer calmed down, his head tucked under Loki’s chin as his breathing turned back to normal. He was still shaking a little, but when he spoke again, his voice was steady and calm.

“They— killed him. He thought the suit won’t reboot itself on time, and he ran forward to stop them. When I found him, he was already on the other side,” he said quietly, poking his nose into Loki’s neck as he tried to get even closer. “I don’t remember much after that. I think I burned everything around, all of the weapons they had. Then I just flew up, the boots sending me very high in the air. I was sure everything was going to be okay from then on, I was free after all. But then something failed and I started falling down, like one of the missiles. It was a miracle I survived the hit.

“After that I wandered across the desert for a day or two before Rhodey found me. When I was back, I couldn’t forget and—“, he chuckled bitterly, pulling away an inch or two to look at Loki. “I got this tattoo. To cope and to remember that I actually flew for a moment without any help,” he grinned all of a sudden and moved one hand to cup the god’s cheek. “So. That’s the story,” he finished, smile fading almost immediately.

Loki couldn’t help but lean in to plant a loving peck to Tony’s lips. He already had so much respect for the man with just what he had seen so far, but this? He still couldn’t know exactly how the engineer had been before Afghanistan, but a situation like that would surely be too much for most of the people here. Hell, Loki watched the news; he knew there were abduction of journalists or other country officials in the Middle East. He knew how it usually ended after a few days or weeks.

Tony had fought for his life and he had made it. Loki really couldn’t even believe when he was falling asleep last night that he could love the man more. And yet… that’s how he felt now.

He pulled away from Tony enough to look at him, a small smile playing on his lips as he watched the other man. The engineer slowly reciprocated the gesture, shy smile spreading across his lips too.

“You should see your face right now,” Tony muttered and moved one hand to cup Loki’s cheek. “You look like you see the most beautiful thing in the world.”

“I do,” the god replied simply, smile widening when he saw Tony blink. “I never thought I could love someone as much as you and after what I’ve heard… I can’t believe you love me.”

“Good one, but we’re still staying on me, Reindeer Games,” Tony replied and poked his finger gently into Loki’s back.

“You promised to not use this nickname again.”

“I crossed my fingers behind my back, it doesn’t count,” he said and kissed him softly. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about this before.”

Loki shook his head as much as he could in his position and brushed a hand over Tony’s back, fingertips drawing small patterns on the olive skin as he did so. “Don’t apologize. I lived through a lot, I can wait for a long time before my patience wears out.”

Tony frowned at that and pulled back an inch or two, the look in his brown eyes making Loki grin. “Really? Since when? You weren’t patient enough when you decided to take me on my desk down in the workshop.”

The god rolled his eyes. “Sex is a different thing. You should know that better than anyone else,” he teased, and his hand slid down Tony’s back and onto his ass cheek, squeezing it shortly. “Now, would you excuse me,” he started and sat up on the bed, stretching with a small whine. “I promised Dum-E Iwould play with him before breakfast.”

“Seriously?” Tony muttered and rolled out of bed, stretching himself, much to Loki’s pleasure. The god watched every muscle tense with his bottom lip in between his teeth, and suddenly he wanted the engineer back in the bed. “I’m telling you my story and you pick my bot over me,” he heard Tony complain.

A chuckle left Loki’s lips, and a second later, he had Tony right where he wanted him, pinned down to the bed and underneath him.

“I guess, Dum-E and breakfast can wait,” he purred and licked at the outline of Tony’s lips, straddling his lap as his hands slid down the man’s shoulders and onto his chest, resting on both sides of the arc reactor.

“I had hoped you would say that.”


End file.
